Friday, October 14, 2005

B+ Santification

So, since I started school I've really had one consistent prayer request: humility. Because learning so much so fast tends to make me think that I pretty stinking cool. So, I've been praying for humility, a dangerous and scary and difficult request to make because often God answers it. And often, in the midst of it, it sucks.

And God has started answering it, in a surprising and perfect-as-God-only-can-do sort of way. He's hitting me where I'm most proud and destroying what I value too much. Because I hold so tightly to and value so highly, not riches or power so much as intelligence, being smart. But it has been written, "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom." And God is working there, because knowing him differs much from "being smart" as I so often think about it.

It hit me Wednesday night while I lay in bed. I might not get "A" grades in all my classes. I might not be as good as I've always thought I would be if I tried as hard as I absolutely could. My best might be "B+" and, honestly, that breaks my heart, my black and fleshly heart, belonging to my old self, the one who values in such a sinful way those "A" marks, not as my best unto the Lord, but as affirmation that I am, in fact, pretty freaking awesome.

So I pray that God will continue his work to make me like Jesus, that I will work unto him, not seeking to honor myself, that my "B+" best will honor him as a holy offering of worship.

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